January 2011.

I have extremely high hopes for 2011. Call it wishful thinking, call it positivevisualisation, call it whatever you will – I am determined to embark upon 2011 with strength of mind, purpose, fortitude and joy.  Before the year had even begun, I had prematurely deemed 2011 as a prodigal homecoming of sorts. I crave a much more cathartic stance at the end of year than what I felt during the disaster that was 2010.  Whether it is conviction, revelation, a shift in perspective, a new lease on life or the mere achievement of set goals- I was determined to seek whatever necessary for me to feel that I had conquered the year.

I needed an emphatically sure sense of self.   The desire and dedication to live each day with heart, character and integrity. To not only trust and be guided by God’s path for me, but to consistently and diligently seek it. Duly noted however, is that high expectations come with an obvious caveat in the labyrinth of my mind - accomplishment requires efficient execution. Execution requires effort. Effort is derived from motivation and motivation is only ever elicited when goals, plans and strategies are put in place with purpose. So therein lays the problem, for I had spent the whole of last year with a conscious need of achievement, yet was so often unwilling to take the necessary steps that would allow me to gain such gratification.

Thankfully, I can depart the last 12 months with an imperative lesson learned; complacency, routine and apathy are a volatile cocktail where regular consumption builds up a reservoir of idleness. Thus, diminishing the hopes of achieving an empowered perspective. This however, leaves me to ask the question: were the past 12 months devoid of any substance or were they a catalyst that brought existing problems into sharper focus? If I explore this notion further, I find myself questioning how am I able to go through life feeling so busy and exhausted, yet deem my time wasted and not feel an ounce of accomplishment? The only answer I can muster is that of course, this is the inevitable function of time – I became a victim of conditioned responses. Doomed to be overwhelmed by routine and trivialday-to-day life, meandering aimlessly through the months. Overwhelmed by the endless cycle of work, commitment, & responsibility that what little time of rest I had, I did not use efficiently. 

When I hear myself articulate the expectations I hold for this year, I understand not only the words but also the hope I hear behind them. For I can only be sure of myself, if the faith and conviction upon which my life stands is sustained by action. To do this, I’ll utilize my anal retentive eccentricity and consciously try to cultivate a plethora of personal objectives, in an attempt to evade yet another year devoid of purpose and meaning. Worryingly troubled? I prefer the term pleasantly neurotic thanks.

*Disclaimer: This journal entry was from the 11th of January. I have since found an amazing job, gone to a Brooke Fraser gig and embarked on the most challenging yet spiritually gratifying journey of my life. Here’s to 2011!

The year that was.

To find one word that could accurately and succinctly articulate what I felt about 2010… I am forced to resolve that the only viable term would have to be “mediocrity”. The end of 2010 left me with a feeling of mediocrity.  There, I said it. Let this unequivocal sentiment be released into the open public sphere of the Internet.

It has become fundamental to my nature and personality to embark on each day of life with relish and rigour. The consequential by-product of such an appetite? - The need and desire to also end each day with a feeling of achievement and accomplishment. My short 24 years of life serve as meticulous testimony to the fact that this is how I feel gratified; this is what I need for my own sense of self-validation. This inherently is my life’s mandate. 2010 did little to fulfil these choleric requirements and as I mentioned previously, I ended the year feeling less then fulfilled about how I spent my time, what I did with my life, what little growth and development I undertook on a personal level and how or what I contributed to the world. 

One must understand however, that I view life through a prism of dichotomies.  I can only differentiate between black and white, good and bad, up and down. This obstinateview of life, coupled with my characteristic flaws - render context, perspective and compromise as peripheral concepts that are understood only in theory yet difficult and for the most part, nearly impossible to apply and execute in tangible circumstances.  It therefore comes at a surprise to me that despite this deflated and pessimistic summary of the past 12 months, upon further reflection I slowly find small pockets of joy that I experienced and encountered throughout the year. I do little to question why these events have not somehow instinctively combined to at least allow me the blanket satisfaction of being able to be at least content with the year gone by, rather I take comfort in the fact that I am able to (on some small level) compartmentalize my life, and not only recognise, but also reminisce about some of the good (if not GREAT) things that happened in 2010, - the end of a decade.  So here goes, let’s do this!

The celebration of love; it was the year of weddings. So laden and filled were the calendar pages with engagement parties, bridal showers, kitchen teas, hen’s nights and the sort that I actually had to omit several events in order to attend others! One particular day included rushing from one ceremony to the other and the mortifyingly torturous decision of having to choose between two receptions. Despite the influx of events and the like, each one I attended was a memorable experience and I revelled in the fact that each wedding was uniquely indicative of the couple in union and distinctively representative of their personalities and relationship.

An adult milestone; it was the year of 21st birthdays.  All these 1989 babies came out in full force to make their debut into society as fully-fledged individuals.  In true REVO style, each birthday was executed and celebrated with themes, programs, skits, musical dedications and multimedia. From Gossip Girl to Futuristic and Red Carpet themes, the secret filo in me exalts in how we induct kids into our group at REVO– with style, grandeur and a hint of humiliation!

Let me entertain you; it was a year of slowly dipping my toes back into the world of entertainment consumption. From the annual tradition of being treated to musical tickets from my parents for my birthday, to group concert dates and random job perk tickets, 2010 was a year of re-igniting my love for music and the enjoyment of seeing it played/performed live.

Tasteful existing; it was a year of fine dining.  With the exponential success of shows such as Masterchef, My Kitchen Rules and a newfound obsession with Jamie Oliver, Gordan Ramsey and Neil Perry cookbooks– it was no wonder that I too, got caught up in the new wave of culinary appreciation. Setting out to methodically tick off my “must eat restaurants” list, 2010 was a year that my palate appreciated, though my waistline did not.

Seeing the sights; it was a year of discovering Australia.  One of the perks of working in media was the “all expenses paid” travelling. That I can appreciate. The best way to travel is definitely when it’s on a corporate card. From the around the country trip (Brisbane-Melbourne-Adelaide-Sydney-Perth) for “Girlfriend Model Search” where Helen and I practically ate ourselves from one capital city to the next (then spent the day scouting skinny models), to the FIVE trips I had to take to Melbourne – my favourite was a last minute trip where I had the “oh so important” job of having to attend a party (I was put up at the Hilton VIP suite and had dinner at an underground Japanese restaurant).  Aside from this, trips for the memory bank include a family vacation to my homeland Vietnam, a family holiday to a beach house for my birthday weekend and an all girl weekend trip to the Hunter Valley for Tracey’s Hen’s night. Good food, good company and nights full of gossip, games and laughter… this is definitely something I would like to see as a regular occurrence in the years to come.

Times are a changing; it was a year of career progression. I had gone from organising events to attending them and I have to say it was most definitely a welcome change. From interviewing the likes of Guy Sebastian, Delta Goodrem, Jay Lyon and Katy Perry to doing the red carpet at the ARIA’s, covering the Next Top Model finale, VIP section at Future Music Festival and front row and backstage at fashion staple events: L’oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival, Rosemount Australian Fashion Week & Rosemount  Sydney Fashion Festival. In-jokes with Charlotte Dawson and Alex Perry; tweets from D-list celebrities, exclusive interviews backstage at events, and flying down to Melb to meet and interview Whitney from “The City”, as shallow as it sounds - it was a nice gig. After two and a half years of working in consumer marketing on magazines such as FAMOUS, Women’s Health and Men’s Health – I crossed over the dark side and took up the Trade Marketing Manager role on the flagship title; New Idea.  In hindsight, maybe not the best move for my career, but I appreciate the sentiment of progression.

My other friends: It was a year of anecdotes, quotes, parallels and an endless list of references to TV shows. Gossip Girl, Life Unexpected, Make it or break it, Pretty Little Liars, Friday Night Lights, Chuck, Nikita, Modern Family and my absolute favourite: The Vampire Diaries! I watched these shows religiously and found quotes, scenes, locations and many other nuances that are now permanently infused in my mind. Each week seemed torturous waiting for a new episode and I was so caught up in the storylines that I would have to physically ban myself from social media before an episode so that I didn’t accidently come across any spoilers! Aside from this, a major achievement was, converting 3 of my closest friends into One Tree Hill fanatics.  It’s much more than just an introduction to a new form of entertainment. One Tree Hill is a lifestyle.  I’ve inducted them into a new level of existing. My exact words were “I think our friendship has now reached a different stratosphere”. Thanks to the genius that is Mark Schwann, we now consider Lucas, Peyton, Brooke, Nathan and Hayley our sub-set of friends.

After years of prolonging the project, I finally undertook the laborious task of renovating my room.  Gone are the days of hideous carpet, horrible colours and themes (a reflection of a teenage obsession with all things girly, pink and frangipanis) not to mention – the utter mess and disorganisation that characterised my humble abode. After months of scouring through magazines, web-sites, catalogues, showrooms and sketches, I was finally able to visualise, conceptualise, then complete the room I always dreamed of, but never got around to decorating. In addition to the aesthetic conversion, I somehow also managed to pummel through 6 years worth of Spring-cleaning, to get rid of everything and anything that did not coincide with my new visual motif (exiling the  “I might need it one day” paradigm of thought).  This overwhelming act of extrication alone was not only cathartic, but also curative and liberating!

Dancing Queen: it was the year I went back to Ballet. Thanks to a random request from Elisha, I re-ignited my love for dancing! Not only was it refreshing to re-introduce to my body the long forgotten concepts of rhythm, flexibility, poise, grace, timing, choreography and discipline, but also it was also tremendously exiting to immerse myself in the world of dance culture at SDC. In the words of Esgee “It’s so professional, I feel like I’m in that ‘Centre Stage movie’”

Confidant: it was the year of BFFs. Aside from the professional and experiential growth I developed and endured, it was a great year for Helen and I as we were able to go through the year at Pacific Mags with laughter, tears, venting and a whole lot of food in between.  It was extremely comforting to find someone who not only shared my disdain for politics but also shared my amusement in incompetence and excitement in being able to share the benefits and advantages of our respective roles. 2010 was also fundamental in the careful cultivation of some of the best friendships I have today; my girls (and Kuya Ken). It was extremely therapeutic to have friends who went through my life journey with me - through its highs and lows and were there for me every step of the way to debrief, comment, analyse and comfort me in any and every situation.

So, here’s to 2010. Though you left me uninspired and fatigued, I thank you for the memories and whilst I can’t make any promises to attribute the same amount of reverence and nostalgia as I do to your counterpart years, I do appreciate the time we’ve spent together and hope that your lacklustre memory is a mere reflection of the fact that you signified the closing of a chapter. Though I am not exactly fervent with gratitude, I do pray that your monotonous disposition will be juxtaposed with what I KNOW will be an EPIC 2011 and that we part ways amicably.

Yours truly,

Mary Tran